Ok, so here's the thing. I'm broken. I can't seem to consistently keep myself motivated. I'm going to jump out on a limb here and say it just might have something to do with the family heirloom of depression that I inherited. I've chosen to navigate through it for the last 15 years or so un-medicated, because the medication was far more disruptive and painful than the illness itself. In this struggle, I've had to teach myself to try to be happy every single day of my life. I've had to force myself to look at the bright side of things and not the assumptive bad side. It's been a good lesson, but I guess I was taking it for granted that I had it under control... because clearly I don't or I wouldn't be in such a slump right now.
The good news is that I think I am on my way up out of it finally... until it chooses to return, so I'm going to do my best to make the most of it. It's a tough battle, even when you know what to look for and how to find your way out. If you've never had to deal with it, you probably won't understand, but trust me in the fact that no one wants to feel this way. Stupid chemical imbalance. lol
I have to change my life, because this isn't working. I have to change a lot of things, but I'm going to start with organizing my life and making a schedule for myself to help keep me on track.
On a brighter note, I did get out and take the kids for a walk this afternoon. It was nice. A little hot, but there was a nice breeze and some smiles. Jax found a few more treasures for his treasure box... some green acorns and a handful of rocks. It really puts things into perspective when you see how excited a 4 yr old gets over one tiny little acorn.
So don't forget to notice the little things in your day, that most will overlook, and smile when you notice them. :o)
No comments:
Post a Comment