Little steps

I've been keeping busy lately, and forgetting to post. Sheesh, what's it going to take to keep my focused? hehe
Ok, so really I've been walking again lately. I thought starting small would be a good way to get myself back into exercise mode. I walked for 3 days straight, and on the third day actually spent some time in the pool for exercise. I took yesterday off, because I was sore. My sister got to go do some synchronized swimming, so of course she had to show me in our pool and have me try it with her. it was fun, but it made us sore. I forgot how nice it is to feel your muscles, I didn't even know I was missing that.

I still need to get out there and walk today, so I'm outta here for now.

Hurricane breeze

That hurricane breeze out there makes for nice walking weather. I took the kids out for a walk today after we picked Jordan up from school. Jax got a few more treasures for his treasure box, one of which was the biggest acorn I've ever seen...nearly the size of a golf ball.

See this... devil in a can, a plastic can. (seems even more devilish because of the environmental impact)

(truth is, this has been in the fridge for months and it's been that long since it was opened)

I'm tired, and have been sort of self destructing lately. Not in a real obvious way, but I've been snacking on junky foods instead of eating healthy meals, drinking sugary drinks instead of water... you get the idea. I just noticed this yesterday, and thought to myself "what the hell man? why are you doing this to your self? you know this is bad for you." All I can figure is that it's the inner fear of change that most of us have, even though change is exactly what I'm looking for. So I guess I'm fighting myself to fight myself. Sounds kind of stupid on paper.

fixing me

Ok, so here's the thing. I'm broken. I can't seem to consistently keep myself motivated. I'm going to jump out on a limb here and say it just might have something to do with the family heirloom of depression that I inherited. I've chosen to navigate through it for the last 15 years or so un-medicated, because the medication was far more disruptive and painful than the illness itself. In this struggle, I've had to teach myself to try to be happy every single day of my life. I've had to force myself to look at the bright side of things and not the assumptive bad side. It's been a good lesson, but I guess I was taking it for granted that I had it under control... because clearly I don't or I wouldn't be in such a slump right now.

The good news is that I think I am on my way up out of it finally... until it chooses to return, so I'm going to do my best to make the most of it. It's a tough battle, even when you know what to look for and how to find your way out. If you've never had to deal with it, you probably won't understand, but trust me in the fact that no one wants to feel this way. Stupid chemical imbalance. lol

I have to change my life, because this isn't working. I have to change a lot of things, but I'm going to start with organizing my life and making a schedule for myself to help keep me on track.

On a brighter note, I did get out and take the kids for a walk this afternoon. It was nice. A little hot, but there was a nice breeze and some smiles. Jax found a few more treasures for his treasure box... some green acorns and a handful of rocks. It really puts things into perspective when you see how excited a 4 yr old gets over one tiny little acorn.

So don't forget to notice the little things in your day, that most will overlook, and smile when you notice them. :o)

yes, I know

I've been here, been busy, been tired, been living... have not been posting. I have been getting some exercise in here and there. Three hours at a time in the pool a few days a week if I'm lucky. A tiny bit of walking. I am trying to get my energy back so I can get excited about it and do more, but it's just too freaking hot and humid most days. The heat may not be as bad as the humidity, which makes breathing a little painful when it's about to rain or is raining. I will keep going, but it's been a struggle lately.

Time keeps slipping away from me. It doesn't do me any favors, just keeps ticking by with or without me. I wish I could be like time and just keep going, no matter what.